05 September 2007

The Ex-Chronicles: Tales of Crazy Woman #346

Chapter 4: Taxicab Confessions

So we're on the couch and I'm holding her and The Ex asks me my opinion on when foreplay crosses the line into fornication. Now she had this way of looking at the bedroom where she wanted to do heavy petting/foreplay right up to the point where it's time to make things, er, more deeply gratifying. Then she expected me to snatch us away from the flames, literally to "save us" from "actually sinning." The first time this happened I accused her of pulling the emergency brake while the train was on full steam ahead. She didn't seem to like that...my calling our time together a train wreck. But that's what it was.

I cannot say at that time whether or not I really cared if what we were doing was sin. The Ex is Episcopalian and back then I was what you might call between churches. I only know that what I wanted was a lover in addition to the rest of the relationship and I was only getting that piecemeal. It's sad when you want to be with someone physically and at the same time don't want to because you know they're going to go batsh*t at the end.

Well to get back to the sofa...
after the question about when fornication begins she asked me if I was a fornicator. I said, "Well I guess." It's generally not a question I ponder, if that makes sense. She then proceeds to inform me that she is not a fornicator and says there is a special word associated with what happened to her. I asked what word. She said the word was "metanoia." I asked what that meant. It sounded Greek but I am not an expert at Greek. Then she says that it doesn't do it justice to translate it, but that it means that the sin had been released or expunged. I asked how she did that and she said she went to confession. I said, "well you didn't tell me you were going to do that." She said, "I wouldn't have. It's a personal thing." At that moment I felt repulsed to be holding her. It was like this person I had been holding had become a human-shaped sack of potatoes that I wanted to get rid of. I literally wanted to let go of her and fly backwards through the walls up and out of her apartment.

Had things been reversed I don't think I would have told her about going to confession. To me there's just something rude and uncalled-for in that. If something's personal, keep it to yourself.

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