09 August 2007

Nimrod Speaks: My Latest Seance

One of the things you don't know about me is that from time to time I do some informal seance work with some friends. Now we get together to contact some departed folks for whom history's notes are either confused, vague, or just plain wrong.

So last week we were able to contact the spirit of the Biblical man Nimrod. He appears in Genesis around the time of the tower of Babel and the text makes the mention that he is "...a mighty hunter before the Lord." Nothing else in the Hebrew testament says anything about him. And while many have given their opinions about him, no one seems to actually know anything more.

In the course of our fifteen minute interview (some sessions last several hours depending on what the spirit has to say) Nimrod had one thing he really wanted communicated to the masses. Nimrod really does not appreciate having his name come up in conversation when one party is trying to say the the other party is stupid. He has been hearing people call each other by his name since some time in the early 1980s and just doesn't appreciate it. Furthermore, he does not understand the progression, that is to say he doesn't see how he could go from being called a mighty hunter to us calling one another Nimrod when we mean to belittle someone's intelligence. He says that if what you mean to call the other person is "Numb Nuts" then why don't you just say that?

While he could knock over a your CD tower, spoil your milk or do some other poltergeisty thing, he really doesn't want to. Even though he is irritated at pretty much most of America and has been for about twenty-five years, he does not have the time, inclination or energy to haunt 150 million people. He just wants to be free to kick it with the other ghosts and roam the Earth. So he asks that you take a breath, and pick some other word when you want to tell someone that you really think they're a blithering idiot.

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